ERROR 10: WORDINESS AND REDUNDANCY
Definition
Wordiness means using more words than necessary to express an idea. Redundancy means saying the same thing twice. Both are errors of economy and precision that weaken writing by diluting meaning, wasting the reader’s time, and creating a bloated, unfocused style. The principle of conciseness holds that every word in a sentence should contribute to its meaning — any word that can be removed without changing the meaning should be removed.
Wordiness takes several forms. Circumlocutions are roundabout phrasings that replace a single word with many: ‘due to the fact that’ instead of ‘because,’ ‘at this point in time’ instead of ‘now,’ ‘in the event that’ instead of ‘if.’ Redundant pairs repeat the same idea with two words: ‘each and every,’ ‘past history,’ ‘completely finish,’ ‘unexpected surprise.’ Expletive constructions (‘it is,’ ‘there are,’ ‘there is’) often add words without adding meaning. Unnecessary hedging (‘it can be argued that,’ ‘in some ways,’ ‘to a certain extent’) can dilute a claim that should be stated directly.
Eliminating wordiness makes writing stronger, faster, and more confident. It also demonstrates respect for the reader’s time and shows that the writer thinks clearly and precisely.
Rules
RULE: Replace wordy phrases with single words or shorter equivalents whenever possible.
RULE: Eliminate redundant pairs and expressions that repeat the same idea twice.
RULE: Reduce or eliminate expletive constructions (‘there is,’ ‘there are,’ ‘it is’) when they add length without adding meaning.
RULE: State your main idea directly. Avoid excessive hedging, qualifying, and circling around the point.
Examples
✗ Due to the fact that the meeting was canceled, we rescheduled for Friday.
✓ Because the meeting was canceled, we rescheduled for Friday.
✗ At this point in time, we are unable to provide a final answer.
✓ Currently, we cannot provide a final answer.
✗ The unexpected surprise on his birthday made him very happy.
✓ The surprise on his birthday made him very happy. [‘Unexpected’ is redundant — a surprise is by definition unexpected.]
✗ There are many students who find grammar challenging.
✓ Many students find grammar challenging.
✗ In my personal opinion, the plan is fundamentally flawed.
✓ In my opinion, the plan is fundamentally flawed. [‘Personal opinion’ is redundant — an opinion is personal.]
✗ The new policy is completely unique in the history of the company.
✓ The new policy is unique in the company’s history. [‘Completely unique’ is redundant — something is either unique or it is not.]
✗ We need to come to a final conclusion by the end of the meeting today.
✓ We need to reach a conclusion by the end of today’s meeting.
✗ It is the belief of the committee members that changes should be made.
✓ The committee believes changes should be made.
✗ The two candidates are both similar in their views on the economy.
✓ The two candidates hold similar views on the economy.
✗ In order to be able to submit the form, you first have to fill it out completely.
✓ To submit the form, fill it out completely.
Extended Dialogue
In this dialogue, editor Nina meets with columnist Marcus, who has a tendency to write wordy, bloated sentences.
Nina: Marcus, your column is well-researched, but it’s running 300 words over our limit. Let’s cut without losing any ideas.
Marcus: But every sentence says something important!
Nina: I promise you — it doesn’t. Look at your first paragraph. You wrote: ‘Due to the fact that the city has been experiencing a period of economic difficulty and financial hardship…’ What does that mean in fewer words?
Marcus: Because the city is struggling financially?
[Note: ‘Due to the fact that’ = ‘because.’ ‘A period of economic difficulty and financial hardship’ = ‘financial hardship’ (both words mean the same thing).]
Nina: Exactly. Seven words become four. Now multiply that across your entire column. Let’s look at this: ‘It is the opinion of this writer that the mayor has made a decision that is fundamentally wrong.’
Marcus: How about: ‘I believe the mayor has made a fundamentally wrong decision’?
Nina: Much better. ‘It is the opinion of this writer’ is six words for one word: ‘I.’ And in journalism, first-person is perfectly acceptable.
Marcus: What about: ‘The two city council members are both in agreement on this issue’?
[Note: ‘Both’ is redundant when talking about two things agreeing. ‘In agreement’ can be simplified to ‘agree.’]
Nina: ‘Both’ is redundant if there are only two — of course they’re both in agreement, not just one of them. And ‘are in agreement’ is three words for one: ‘agree.’ Try: ‘The two council members agree on this issue.’
Marcus: What about ‘end result’? I wrote ‘the end result of the vote.’
Nina: A result is by definition the end of something. Just say ‘the result of the vote.’
Marcus: These seem like small cuts.
Nina: They are small individually. But every sentence has two or three unnecessary words, and when you multiply that by every sentence in a 900-word column, you get 200 extra words. Cut them all and your column is tighter, faster, and more powerful.
Marcus: My writing teacher always said to ‘kill your darlings.’
Nina: In editing, we say: ‘If it’s not earning its space on the page, cut it.’ Every word should pull its weight.
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